Today.

Shift.

Roll out the sail cloth. Release it to the wind.
Risk.


The wind is never random. The wind never ends.
Trust.

Longing for adventure. Hoping for experience.
Desire.

Love.

Deep Jeep

As I argue bed time with Ben, I try to remember gratitude. This has been an on going theme in the day to day. Somehow on the large paper I don't see how my selfishness and gratitude can go together. They don't. They work on opposite teams. So instead of me saying "poo-poo" about not being able to crash at will, I am thankful my son loves me and wants to be near me.

Having to exercise the high road is for the birds. Maybe I will find a Jeep Wrangler to drive those high roads and make life easier. But who said easier is better?

Time goes by

Wow. I was scrolling my faves when I saw the link to blogger...what? Its been how long? So I won't focus on that but instead plow into what's happening now.

On my "mental" list today...

The pacing of the adoption process. Our daughter is on the other side of the planet. I want her home before 2010 ends. In her photos she is so beautiful to me. The sun just glows around her like she is lit from the inside. Zoe, I'm coming for you.

The raising of two very different boys. One 3.5 years and the other 1 year old. One is dramatic and impatient and the other gets into everything and is determined..very determined. I love them. They make me happily tired. To you I would look exhausted but really I am just that with a side of true fulfillment. Ben and Cash, I love you and your stinky toes.

The dating of my wife. We feel the weight of raising the kids. We have the most special thing going but miss the time we had when we were just us. This involves getting out as much as possible. We haven't tried using a babvsitter yet but I feel the time could be close. We love talking to each other. Just being in the same room is nice. The morning coffee is always great on the sun porch. The evening wine is comforting only when I share with my love. Laura, my world would not have a meaning without you. I love you.

The deepening of my mystical self. This is truly a journey. Listening to His voice, feeling the wind, allowing Him to use my body to bring encouragment to His people. It looks bizarre at times but feels like the natural thing to do. I want more. I want to see more. I want to feel and taste more. I choose to dive into the deep of His experience. My relationship with Him equals a life that is always moving. It is alive and active like how salt moves through water. Always there...spreading.

Now I feel better. I am off to go check my garbanzos and roast some red pepper for supper club.

Bummer

I was going to post a great post but the laptop is about to die.

Bummer

Art on

I don't always have time for myself. Now before you start crying just listen. I entered a art show at the library. It was to do with recycled materials. I fretted over what I was going to do and when I was gonna do it. I found the materials. I found the mojo. I won the art show.

I'm excited because this is a part of me that lies quiet. Having a boost like this makes me want to go crazy. Art-icus! I'm articus! Too far? Neh...just having fun.

So to all who have hushed fun-sides...just do what you love.

Daddy-rant

This morning's conversation that took place around 5:45.

Ben: I poopied, daddy.

Ben: Poopie, I poopied.

me: Ok we need to fix it, yeah?

Ben: Uh huh.

Later around 8:00. More of the same. Ben fusses because he doesn't want to be locked into the car seat.

Ben: Poopied.

me: Again? You gotta me kdding me. Really?

Ben: Uh huh.

me: We can fix that one at school.


I realize more every day that parenting isn't about the joy of loving your child. Its about the toys you step on in the night. Its about how many diapers you change before you leave the house. Its about that big screen you bought to have family time but is really a pacifier. Aliens I tell you. They will take over your home. The remedy is to foil over your windows so they can't read your signal.

"Sex makes babies." That's what Uncle Dan said. Did I mention he is a truth-speaker?

Belly button

I had hernia surgery on the 22nd. Other than looking like a gunshot victim I think it will be better. My stomach is sore when I go to sit or stand. I just need to be careful for a while. No picking up Ben for 3 weeks. I was supposed to take 3 weeks off work but after dealing with the doc I won. I will go back on Tuesday.

I can say that Dr. Bridges was really cool. The staff at Riverview was great. I know some that didn't have the same experience as I did. They were professional, polite and attentive.

Thank you Dr. Bridges for fixin' me up.

Thank you Riverview staff for being pleasant.

Thank you, Laura for helping me and being sweet to me.